Matt vs The Stupid Crow!
by AppleBagel
Summary: For the first time in a long time, Matt was going to get some alone time with his Prussian, but Crowbar just /had/ to mess that up. (2p!PruCan, mature situations but not /quite/ enough to be rated M, Stupid birds, yaoi. Written by Apple, cover image by OtherworldlyArtist.)


For once in a long time, Matt was going to get to be alone with Akbar without anyone getting in the way. He had been waiting quite a bit for this. Every time they tried to get intimate, someone or something ended up interrupting. Usually, that someone was Alfie and the something was Crowbar.

But right now, Alfie was in Japan doing who knows what with Orochi, and Crowbar was nowhere to be found.

This was his moment.

Slamming the silverette against the wall, Matt went to attacking his mouth. Akbar's eyes widened the slightest bit before allowing Matt to do as he pleased. The blonde brought his hands to the back of Akbar's thighs, a gesture that told Akbar to hop up and wrap his legs around the other. Doing as asked, the Prussian locked his ankles behind Matt's back. Bringing them as close as possible, Matt carried him to their shared bedroom.

The Canadian dropped the Prussian onto the bed (more like they fell over and just happened to land where they intended), their lips never losing contact. Climbing on top of the other, Matt ran a hand under Akbar's shirt. Matt smirked devilishly as he felt the silverette's hands slid down to undo the blonde's own plaid button-up.

Sitting up, Matt all but ripped the article off, then doing the same to Akbar's. Diving back down to claim another kiss, he was interrupted by a furious tapping at the window.

Sitting up, Matt gave a confused look that quickly turned to anger when he saw the source of the tapping.

It was Crowbar, beating his wings and pecking the glass with his beak.

Rusty red-brown eyes narrowed into a glare at the bird, while its own bright red eyes glared right back. For a full month the crow had kept him from being able to make love with Akbar. If that stupid animal thought he could interrupt Matt now that he finally found an opportunity, he was dead wrong.

"GO THE HELL AWAY!" Matt screamed, flipping off Crowbar. Just to spite the bird, he began to lick and bite at the neck of the Prussian beneath him.

Now, the tapping had turned to furious cawing and scratching at the glass, the wings still beating profusely.

Matt groaned, flinging his head back up and around to snarl at Crowbar.

"LEAVE US ALONE!" He commanded. _Why was the bird even so protective of Akbar? Hadn't Crowbar tried to eat him once!? He doesn't seem to really care all that much about Akbar unless I'm with him! _Matt wondered. The feather-brain didn't think Matt was trying to eat his food or something, did he!? 

Akbar seemed rather uncaring about the bird, simply lying underneath Matt and glancing between the man and the avian occasionally. He stayed quiet, expression still neutral. Blue eyes flitted up once more to see Matt sigh and hang his head.

"There, there," Akbar said blankly, patting Matt's head.

The hovering blonde gave him a "wtf?" look before grabbing the silverette's wrists and placing them above his head. Planting a firm kiss on Akbar's lips, he muttered, "That damn bird is not stopping this, just so you're aware."

The Prussian hmm'd at him. "I'm sure," He whispered.

Matt reached a hand down to unbutton Akbar's pants, suppressing a growl at Crowbar freaking out outside the window.

The Canadian rage bubbled a little higher, making Matt's eye twitch. Crowbar was cawing at the top of his bird-sized lungs, clawing the glass like a mad-man- BIRD. Matt screeched a little, jolting back up. A string of swears fell from his mouth before he grabbed the bedside lamp and chucked it at the window, hoping to scare the avian fiend off.

But the universe clearly hates dear Matt, so nothing could go right. The lamp broke the glass, allowing the bird an entrance into the room.

"GOD DAMMIT!" Matt yelled, whacking the bird with his hand. Crowbar had immediately flown in and gone to attacking the Canadian man. Unfortunately, Matt _was _shirtless because of previous plans, so there was plenty of bare skin exposed for the crow to scratch at. Covering his head with his arms, the blonde attempted to keep the bird from hurting him too badly.

Akbar, on the other hand, watched silently, simply observing the battle. He lay in the same position as before, arms above his head and legs spread a bit. The Prussian did not react much at all to his pet fighting his lover.

"Everything is going wrong!" Matt growled. Of course, right after, he fell off the bed and hit the wall. "Friggin' hell!" he groaned, still in combat with the angry bird.

The blonde finally managed to force the giant feather ball out the door, luckily. Smashing the door shut behind him, the Canadian sighed, stumbling back over to the bed.

He flopped onto the sheets face-first. After a second of the man just not moving, he heard another screech and a swooping sound. "Oh, god damnit all!" He screamed, feeling pecking at his back.

Just as he began to flip over and fight the bird off, seriously considering grabbing his gun, a calming but forceful voice interrupted.

"Call it off, Crowbar, it's fine. Leave him alone."

It was Akbar, finally choosing to speak up instead of watch. The bird, that Matt now noticed was covered in soot from the chimney, which was how he most likely escaped, looked up at the Prussian. Akbar nodded at the Crow, lightly gesturing for it to leave.

Crowbar eyed them both before flitting back out the broken window, clearly not reassured.

Matt gave another sigh, this one in relief though.

"Well it's about time you did something about that damned-"

He was cut off by Akbar turning to him and placing a hand on the Canadian's chest, hunger in his eyes.

"Now where were we?"

Matt raised an eyebrow at the tone. It was something he'd never heard from Akbar before, rather direct and almost . . . commanding.

It was kinda hot.

"I believe I was just about to get into your pants," Matt grinned, leaning towards the other that was now climbing on top of him.

Akbar raised an eyebrow of his own. "Well, what's stopping you?" He leaned down as he said it, eyes going half-mast and connecting their lips. If Crowbar was the one that brought this side of Akbar out, then maybe the bird wasn't that bad after all.

Matt made his decision – No more stalling, he was getting down to business. He pulled Akbar down, sliding off his black jeans.

Time to divide and conquer!

**A/N: Gilbert approves of this message. **


End file.
